Star Trek Jokes

Question: How many ears does Picard have?
Answer: Three. A right ear. A left ear. And a final front ear.

Question: What did the blonde Klingon say?
Answer: “It was a good day to dye.”

He’s dead Jim…
…I’ll get his tricorder, you get his wallet.

Question: How many Voyager crew members does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Answer: However many it takes, you can be sure a shuttlecraft will be destroyed during the attempt

Overheard in a corridor:
Crewman: “I’ve got a brother at Starfleet Science Academy.”
Crewwoman: “What’s he studying?”
Crewman: “Nothin’. They’re studying him.”

Dr. McCoy was impressed by the professional manner of new ENTERPRISE
psychiatrist Dr. Zhrink. After a long shift, an amazed McCoy asked him, “how can you stay so fresh and cool after eight hours of listening to such terrible
problems?”
Dr. Zhrink shrugged. “Who listens?”

McCoy: “Do you serve crabs here?”
Mess officer: “We serve anybody. Sit down.”

Harry Mudd was on trial again.
“Harry,” said the judge, “You’re accused of throwing your wife, Stella, out of the window. This is a most serious crime.”
“But your honor,” cried Harry, “be lenient. You’ve met my wife.”
“Yes,” answered the judge with a shudder, “and I don’t blame you for what you did.
But don’t you understand– she could have LANDED on somebody?”

Do you know what they call a Klingon with half a brain? Gifted!
Do you know what they call a Klingon with no brain at all? Normal.
What is the longest four years of a Klingon’s life? Third Grade.
How do you get a one-armed Klingon out of a tree? Wave to him.
Why can’t Klingon kids play in sandboxes? Cats keep trying to cover them up.
Why did the Klingon cross the road? To conquer the other side.

Dr. McCoy finished his examination of Scotty and shook his head. “Scotty, I
can’t find any reason for your stomach pains. Frankly, I think it’s due to
drinking.”
“In that case, Leonard,” said Scotty, “I’ll come back when you’re sober.”

Q: How many Klingons does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: NONE:  Klingons aren’t afraid of the dark.

Q: What do the Klingons do with the dead bulb?
A: Execute it for failure.

Q: What do the Klingons do with the Klingon who replaces the bulb?
A: Execute him for cowardice.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: James T. Kirk:  To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Spock, Spock.
Who’s there?
Epsilon.
Epsilon who?
Epsilon way to Tipperary…

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