The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish.
In the first year, “s” will be used instead of the soft “c”. Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard “c” will be replased with “k.”Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome “ph” will be replased by “f”. This will make words like “fotograf” 20 per sent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent “e”s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.
By the fourth year, peopl wil b reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” by “z” and “W” by “V”.
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary “o” kan b dropd from vords kontaining “ou”, and similar changes vud of kurs b aplid to ozer kombinations of leters such as ze “a” in “ea”. It is proposd zat ze leter “y” vuld no longer b usd and replasd insted by ze mor comon leter “i”. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten stil. Zer vil b no mor trubls or difikultis and al vil find it esi to understand ech ozer.
Ze drem vil finali kom tru!