Posts tagged ‘Jacob’

More Twilight Humor



Twilight Jokes

In danger of offending LOTS of Twihards – I must add that I, myself, am a twihard. However, no matter much of a fan I am – I also find a some of the jokes going around quite funny…

Edward Cullen.
He doesn’t bite people, he looks like he resides in the woods, and he sparkles. Face it, he’s not a real vampire. He’s a fairy.

Twilight’s like football. They run around for 2 hours, nobody scores, and its billion fans insist you just don’t understand.

Twilight’s tagline: ‘When you can live forever what do you live for?’
Teenage girls, apparently.

I dont understand why women are obsessed with Twilight. Im ghostly pale and havnt had sex in 100 years, but women dont seem to find me attractive.

Twilight re-write #4668:
“I know what you are, you’re pale white and ice cold”
“Say it.”
“Michael Jackson?”

Love how in twilight Edward says’ I need you to see me in the the light for who I really am’
Bella shits herself thinking he is going to turn wild.. and guess what ‘He sparkles’

Let’s be real, Twilight fans only want to move to Forks because they never got their letter from Hogwarts…

One Saturday matine ticket for Twilight – £6.75
One industrial chain and padlock – £32.99
One big bottle of chloroform – £199
The realization that vampires and werewolves isn’t the only monster
in the room- priceless

– How do you stop Jacob Black from attacking you?
You pick up a stick, throw it and yell ‘fetch’!

Edward: Bella…
Bella: Yes?
Edward: I just want you to know how much you mean to me.
Bella: Aawww…
Edward: You know, what with me being and ancient virgin vampire and everything…
Bella: Yeah ?
Edward: Well, people were starting to think.. You know…
Bella: Gay?
Edward: ….
Edward: Old  fashioned..
Bella: …
Bella: Oh.

Edward. Maybe he’s born with it. Maybe its Maybelline.

-How many Twilighters does it take to screw on a light bulb?
I don’t know, they’re all too busy fighting over who gets to be Mrs Cullen.

-How do you irritate Edward Cullen?
Buy him a dog and call it Jacob!

“Hey, do you know what you call a blonde with a brain? – a golden retriever.”

“S’not so hard to erase a blonde’s memory – Just blow in her ear.”

and then I ran out of jokes to have between the pics…

More Twilight Jokes

Jacob just glared at the kids dressed as vampires, he knew it was wrong but he still lied and said there was no candy left!

One of the few thing Alice can’t see is Chuck Norris about to roundhouse kick her.

The Volturi went into hiding when they heard Chuck Norris DOES exist.

Dear Diary,
Today i made Carlisle feel like he was in love with Edward… AGAIN!!

How many Twilighters does it take to screw on a light bulb?
I don’t know, they’re all too busy fighting over who gets to be Mrs Cullen

Jacob got ran over by a reindeer walking home from Bella’s on Christmas eve.
You can say there’s no such thing as Santa, but Edward and me belive.

Dear Diary,
Bella raped me today on esme isle. im scared!
Later Edward

Twilight Demotivationals

Yeah Yeah. More Twilight Humour. Just 2 days away from the movie pre-premiers in Oslo with celebrity visit Elizabeth Reaser (which I am impatiently awaiting myself as well) I had some fun finding more Twilght jokes and demotivationals.

Quite sad to still be a virgin at the age of 109 …

Wonder who he thought he’d impress …

I do agree. Stalking, controlling, manipulation and belittling in a relationship is not healthy in any kind of relationships (Thankfully thirst for blood is something most of us never will get to experience), but Edwards SPARKLES!  and who doesn’t like diamonds?  Right Bells?

Of course – there are always twinkies.

T-Rex hunting…


Poor Bells

Disturbing womens expectations to men all over the world

Playing outside in winter time

But you don’t !!! I just know it.

Well I’m far from as bad as these girls…

Again, who doesn’t like diamonds? And I’m certain all the guys complaining out there… They are just complaining because they don’t want to buy us Diamonds!

I can sense some tension here …