Posts tagged ‘Jobs’

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Worst Job Ever

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Best Out of Office Automatic e-mail Replies

1.    I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification, because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.

3. Sorry to have missed you, but I’m at the doctor’s having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

4. I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

6. The email server is unable to verify your server connection. Your message has not been delivered. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see who did this over and over and over….)

7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

8. Hi, I’m thinking about what you’ve just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

9. I’ve run away to join a different circus.

10. I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as ‘Susan’ instead of Steve

Disclaimer: It might not actually be smart to use these in a real job though :)

R.I.P Jobs

I sent my CV to apple this morning and just got the reply: ‘no jobs here’…

“Finally laid to rest in a sleek white casket, the late Steve Jobs is surrounded by mourners in a massive cathedral. As the afternoon sunlight shines down on him through intricate stained glass revealing a beautiful spectrum of colours, Mr. Jobs will be remembered in death as he was in life.
Overshadowed by windows.”

Steve Jobs was so disappointed in the iPhone 4S that it killed him.

They say that before you die your life flashes before your eyes, too bad Apple doesn’t support Flash…

The economy is getting worse. We keep losing more and more Jobs.

In an address to Apple this morning, President Obama informed them that this is not what he meant by “shovel ready Jobs”.

The iPhone 4s release date has been set back, so that Apple could rush iCoffin io market. It has a glass top and bottom with aluminum sides. It only supports 5 pall bearers. If you touch it on the bottom left, the occupant doesn’t make it to heaven. Or you could buy a bumper for an additional $499.

Links to other sites that take this one a lot further than I will
http://molempire.com/2011/10/07/even-more-steve-jobs-jokes/